Ladies and gentlemen, why I hate the Baltimore Ravens He would have never won that state championship without Jimmy Chitwood. History : I will admit that I didn't exactly lose any sleep when the Browns packed up and moved to Baltimore. However, Art Modell flipping the bird pun intended at one of the league's most loyal fan bases was an absolute tragedy. I was at the last game in Cleveland Stadium and it was really sad. We had the right hand dealt to us, and then we took a shit on that hand and folded.
This is what this city deserves. Our quarterback drove miles a fucking hour , at one point was going to host a field day in the most infected place in the world before cancelling it, and advocates for Antonio Brown to come to the Ravens. His clothing line looks like shit. Nick Chubb made us his bitch in Week 4 because no one thought to tackle one of the best running backs in the league and then Henry would do the same, because we never learn.
Everyone in Maryland worships Old Bay and thinks picking crabs is a fun activity and not fucking torture as it rightfully is. Our governor thought he was special by doing the right fucking thing when the pandemic hit, only to propose to defund our schools by a fuckton later: what did we expect.
Berger cookies are stale and flavorless. No one knows how to drive. The Ravens fucked up their response six ways to Sunday, eventually releasing Rice but not before hemming and hawing for months. Total bullshit. God forbid their best lineman toke up to manage his pain rather than mainline opioids. Are you fucking kidding me with these jizzstains.
We discover the key to eternal football happiness in LLAMA and become the most exhilarating and unpredictable offense in football this side of Boise State. Watching the Baltimore Ravens have an excellent offense for the only time in recorded history was comparable to how Jesse Pinkman felt when he shot up heroin for the first time.
Our most beloved player is the White Kicker, which should surprise nobody who has ever been to Carroll County. Something you think we should know? Send a story tip to tips defector. Skip to contents. Why Your Team Sucks. Share on twitter Share on reddit Share on facebook Comments. Drew Magary. Your team: Baltimore Ravens. Some things never change. So heartwarming. These Ravens, they showed us what the future of football is gonna look like… …until Derrick Henry wadded them up and shat them out.
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